Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
