my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
