i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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