my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
even my farts smell like vagina
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
