The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
