matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
