Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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