i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
