i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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