Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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