I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
