Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
