Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
