Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
