I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
