Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
