I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
