the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
