When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
