my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
