i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
