from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
