Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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