why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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