I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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