I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
