i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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