Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
