She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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