i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
