Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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