I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
