you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
