Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You dont lie about slip and slides
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
