remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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