just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
