We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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