i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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