How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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