Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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