i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
