if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
