no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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