I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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