I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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