Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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