That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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