drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
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She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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