My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
