I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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