I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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