My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
