First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
