I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
