I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
