I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
