I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
