Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
