Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
