I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
