the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
