I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They have beer where we have blood.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
