Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
