when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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