i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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