Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize