Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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