I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
