Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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