does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
