i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
