Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
