Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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