I want you more than these girls want KFC
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
