I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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