I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
