I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My underwear smells like fireworks.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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