A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
