ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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