was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
