I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She told me I should be a condom model.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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