you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
