Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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